Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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