Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
