I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
