my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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