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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it

  (586): View more from Michigan

  We did he did.

  (586): View more from Michigan

  When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.

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• (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.

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• (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.

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• (44): View more from United Kingdom

  I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.

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• (949): View more from California

  You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  More like a demented cow.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.

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