I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just found a bag of teeth...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
