She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I need to stop coming to work sober
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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