When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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