Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
