Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
