considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
