I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
