before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
