god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert