I am puke
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.