dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.