whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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