hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
