First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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