Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
