I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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