I hate all girls vehemently.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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