walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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