Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
