he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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