White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
