You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
