I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
