I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
