wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
