he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
