dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
