You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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