I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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