She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
