Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
