Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
