Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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