we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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