And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
