youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
