I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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