i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
