wrigley field is MILF paradise
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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