And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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