her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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