when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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