look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
