Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
