Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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