Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
