just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
