Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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