YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
