I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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