So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
