I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
