so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I need to stop coming to work sober
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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