I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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