If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
