I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
