I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
