dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
