I can text with my tongue
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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