I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize