feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
