i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.