so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?