Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.