He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies