Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My dick has a subreddit
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.