Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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