She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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