I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
