Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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