im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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