Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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