Texts From Last Night

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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

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  (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person http://tfl.nu/xc27
  Replies (25) Good night (8148) Bad night (605)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions

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  (206): weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/qwf5
  Replies (12) Good night (5517) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  im not talking about this

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  (613): it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole (1-613): im not talking about this http://tfl.nu/ufkd
  Replies (10) Good night (938) Bad night (3463)
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  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

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  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (12139) Bad night (1785)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

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  (717): Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me. http://tfl.nu/6xgz
  Replies (39) Good night (837) Bad night (7509)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (52247) Bad night (2482)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.

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  (214): Why does it always end up with me crying in my car. http://tfl.nu/bhj2
  Replies (10) Good night (595) Bad night (3014)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.

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  (816): If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing. http://tfl.nu/vitq
  Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (1170)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.

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  (860): Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/foqn
  Replies (5) Good night (855) Bad night (1357)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.

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  (678): I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real. http://tfl.nu/66oa
  Replies (7) Good night (1347) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"

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  (651): I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift" http://tfl.nu/0adm
  Replies (8) Good night (3020) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You can't spell "party" without "RA."

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."

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  (970): You can't spell "party" without "RA." (1-970): You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired." http://tfl.nu/jawl
  Replies (4) Good night (796) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..

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  (484): You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them.. http://tfl.nu/tn7r
  Replies (0) Good night (576) Bad night (275)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.

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  (859): Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy. http://tfl.nu/uf16
  Replies (2) Good night (554) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.

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  (901): Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good. http://tfl.nu/s35o
  Replies (4) Good night (295) Bad night (715)

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