I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.